Why Do You Always Fish For Compliments?

18 July 2016


Since going on the mini pill for severely painful periods around 9 months ago I inevitably put on weight which made me very unhappy. I was always of the mindset that the pill did not cause weight gain. My doctor even insisted I would gain only 5lbs and that would just be 'water weight' that would 'disappear eventually'. So I took it with full trust in my doctor. My diet remained the same as it always had been. Yet the weight just began piling on very quickly. Prior to this weight gain had been a problem for me. I want to stress this because someone who has problems gaining weight just does not suddenly start gaining weight out of the blue without changing their diet.

I used to be overweight and spent a full two years changing my lifestyle and losing the excess weight. I went to a lot of effort and trouble only to see it being reversed before my eyes. It was crappy.




About a month ago it got so bad I decided to stop taking it. This was not the only side effect I experienced with this pill. It played havoc on my skin, giving me terrible acne and it messed severely with my mood (even despite taking meds alongside it to 'balance' things out). It was ultimately the combination of all three that made me realise I could not continue.

And now, I have gone from a size 8/10 to a 10/12. I've always been bigger on the hips so my upper half is currently a 10 and my lower is a 12.

There is nothing wrong with being any size provided you are happy and healthy. And I know that my size is not even 'big'. I know.

But I have a problem with it. Because it doesn't make me happy. I lost weight to get to a size that would make me happy because I was so tired of feeling unhappy about being a bigger size. I can not force myself to be content with something if I am not. I shouldn't have to.

I am making every effort to lose this weight. I have struggled so much because the weight has been quite stubborn. I go to the gym, I eat tons of fruit and veggies. Yes, you see treats on my Instagram but that doesn't mean I am constantly eating them. I eat treats in moderation. And most treats I make are low fat with natural sugars as opposed to refined ones. I also keep well within the calories my body needs each day (in other words I do not overeat).

Every time I go clothes shopping it's like how it was before. I dread it, I hate it, it makes me feel miserable all over again. Nearly all of my old clothes no longer fit as well as they once did. I hate that too.

My body has changed from being lean to now slightly flabby.  I've always suffered with bloating as a result of my health conditions so when I bloat now it feels even more uncomfortable.


I suffer with depression as a result of those health conditions and so sometimes I feel so trapped in my own feelings of unhappiness about my body that I turn to other people I consider good friends to vent my frustrations to.

I don't expect anybody to magically solve my problems for me, nor do I expect sympathy or pity. I don't want those things. (Even if I did, so what? There's nothing wrong with someone wanting comfort.) All I ask for is understanding. The one thing I don't expect or deserve is to be accused of fishing for compliments. Which has happened to me on more than one occasion.

I struggle with my body image now. I hate how I look and I hate how I feel. I hate that no matter how healthy I eat, the weight just doesn't seem to want to fall off.

I have heard that weight gained from the pill can take some time to come off. Some have lost it within 6 months, some within 12, some two years or more. Knowing it will come off doesn't ease how I feel right now unfortunately. I wish it would but it just doesn't.

I will sometimes say things like 'I am so fat and disgusting' as a result of my depressive feelings or my struggle with my body. I believe other women of any size are beautiful but for me, it's not within my happy place to be bigger in size. Please just try to understand that. Because it isn't as simple as just learning to love myself.

A recent conversation with a 'friend' resulted in the person accusing me of fishing for compliments and saying that they were not showing understanding toward me because of this. They presumed me saying that I felt disgusting was me just wanting to be told I was pretty.

This kind of attitude is toxic. It made me feel completely belittled and humiliated. As if my feelings of unhappiness would simply be taken away with a few compliments. As if depression is cured by a few kind words. Support, of course, can help and is most necessary but it's no cure for any health condition. Thinking happy thoughts and eating some fruit and veggies won't make my hormonal imbalance disappear. Believe me, I wish those things could have that effect! I have a feeling losing this weight will take longer than it took to gain. And that's a big frustration for me too.


All I wanted was a listening ear and some understanding in regards to my frustrations with my weight and how I've been mentally and physically screwed over by this contraceptive pill. I'm not the sort of person who complains without first taking action to fix my problems to the best of my abilities. And THAT is why this has all been so hard for me. I've made every effort and I'm not seeing the results. It sucks.

I am seeing a dietician later today so perhaps they can help me in some way. Allow me to stress again that I am making every effort to lose this weight so I can feel good about my physical self again. It won't cure my conditions but I know it will improve how I feel significantly. Ultimately I just want to be a size 8/10 again. If I can get to a 10 on my lower half that'd be great too.

But please, if someone suffers from a health condition (mental or physical) and has struggles with their body as a result do not accuse them of fishing for compliments or anything equally as petty if they vent their unhappiness to you.

It's really not that.

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