This entry discusses menstrual related conditions. If such topics bother you then please skip over this one.
I have pre menstrual dysphoric disorder, polycystic ovary syndrome and severe dysmenorrhea. And these are all menstrual or menstrual related conditions. You may not be familiar with what these conditions are so I'll supply some links you can visit to read up on each condition. Keep in mind that individual suffers will have different symptoms and by no means is everything covered in these links. They provide more of a general overview of each condition.
I began suffering with Dysmenorrhea from the time my periods first began. It took an extra 10+ years of suffering for doctors to finally diagnose me with PCOS as the cause of my painful periods. Over this time I developed PMDD, which I believe was definitely encouraged by the years of suffering physically with my periods.
Each month I would suffer agonising pain and would vomit as a result of the pain. The pain and sickness would often last up to three days. It was/is challenging to manage. Over time I took many different kinds of medicines and obviously did everything I possibly could to help myself. That was a big struggle for me and it still is. My conditions are not curable which means all I can do is manage them, not make them disappear. At one point I was taking the combined birth control pill which caused severe depression. This was before I was diagnosed with PCOS (if you suffer with PCOS the combined pill isn't generally a suitable treatment).
After being told by doctors there was nothing more they could do I simply got by using extra strength prescription painkillers. Medicines never prevented me from getting very ill each month.
My conditions had/have a run on effect on my life. The sickness each month prevented me from going to school, university and then work. I would often need a few days off each month as a result. And this was a big struggle for me because I'm a very proactive person. I like to get out there, be as positive as I can be and generally take life on head first. But the worst part wasn't the pain, the sickness or the mood changes. It wasn't missing out on events or education. It wasn't crying myself to sleep because it all became unbearable for me. It was the way some people treated me. Most people, thankfully, are or have been very supportive. Just not all.
Despite the clinical depression my PMDD and PCOS induce, I have always firmly believed in managing my conditions and thinking positively. But PMDD doesn't always allow you to do this (even when managed with medication). The main symptoms of PMDD, for me, outside of depression and anxiety, are extreme hopelessness and debilitating suicidal thoughts. I experience these alongside insomnia, changes in my eating habits and a severe lack of motivation.
Since my diagnosis I was offered the mini pill as a treatment option. I still get months I suffer the pain and sickness despite being on the mini pill. This is because I take it 3 months and then have a 1 month break. (I'm not allowed to take it without a break.) It's fantastic to lessen the amount of time I suffer and I feel like this is more than good enough, but unfortunately some people just still don't even try to understand.
My conditions produce physical symptoms that medicines can only manage. And they manage them 90% of the time. Which is great. It means I get to live a happy life for that time. But the remaining 10% of the time is a struggle because of the way I am often treated. My symptoms appearing mean I might have to miss a few days of work or university because they're so bad I'm not able to leave my own bed or my own house. Not through any lack of 'trying' on my behalf.
I find some kinds of people outwardly express patience toward me intially. But when they realise I can not fight my symptoms all the time I feel they get frustrated with me and start to believe I am just faking my conditions or making excuses. I feel their patience runs out the minute my symptoms appear and aren't aesthetically pleasing anymore.
One time I excused myself to the back room at work because the tears as a result of my hormonal changes (yes, I was taking medication for my condition at the time) were coming thick and fast. The hopelessness, the sadness, it all overwhelmed me. And I felt so ashamed. I felt so small and weak because I couldn't plaster a smile on my face and be a big girl (so to speak).
I'm fighting physical conditions. Not mental ones. The mental symptoms are side effects. They aren't the root cause of what I suffer. But regardless, mental symptoms are as much of a struggle. In fact, I think they're harder to fight than physical pain sometimes.
And I'm sometimes treated like all I need to do is think happy thoughts, take some pills and will the tears away. Like I'm some kind of idiot who needs to take some pills and meditate at sunset so I'll magically be okay again. There are people who treat me like medicines can cure me even when I explain my conditions are managed with medicines, not cured. If I dare have a day of suffering I always feel like I have to justify myself to an extreme extent. I always prepare myself to provide doctors' notes or proof of my conditions. I've even gone as far as to take my (prescription only) medicines in with me to work or uni just incase I was asked to show proof that I really was taking them. Oh, I've even gone to the extent of delaying my morning medication so I can take them in front of people to prove my condition. Isn't that sad?
Menstrual conditions are still treated like a joke. They're not taken as seriously as they should be and that is something I would like to see change in my life time. Sometimes I've received anonymous comments asking me why I discuss my periods and how it makes people uncomfortable/grossed out. I've had the most ignorant, close-minded, hateful, verbal bullshit thrown at me.
Don't get me wrong here. I believe in being positive to the best of your abilities. I believe in having hope and staying strong. My parents taught me that well and I'm thankful to them for it. I'm far from the weakling my symptoms make me feel I am. But there comes a point when you suffer menstrual conditions like PMDD and dysmenorrhea that you have to learn to have patience with yourself. You have to learn that some days you will be taken down mentally, physically or both. But that you will also get back up. That you deserve to be okay.
I just wish that people would grasp that sometimes you're not up for going into battle, let alone winning the war. Life goes on, life happens, sure. But I didn't choose my conditions. They weren't in a pick and mix display all ready for me to select, take home and 'enjoy'. I can't select when I suffer with symptoms. I can't always stop symptoms affecting me no matter how positively I think. Sometimes I'm not even able to think positively at all. Not because I'm not willing to.
This isn't something I do for fun or attention. It's not a personality flaw. It's not because I'm lazy or stupid. It's not because I'm weak and unmotivated.
Have some understanding towards women with menstrual conditions. They're doing the best they can. They feel more bad than you could ever make them feel because they missed that important event or had that 'emotional melt down'. They don't mean it when they get huffy. They don't mean it when they shout at you. I'm not excusing bad behaviour. I'm not justifying it. I won't excuse women who treat others badly as a result of their menstrual conditions. But I will defend them because I know they can't always control what they feel and what they do when they're suffering.
It's no help to tell them to 'just take some deep breaths and think positive'. It's not helpful for you say 'take some painkillers and woman up'. You don't help when you roll your eyes or sigh because they can't make an event. You don't help when you make snide comments. There is no positive thought or medicine that will make menstrual conditions disappear. Understand that. And believe me when I say I wish such a medicine existed. We're well aware that there are others in this world who have it worse than us and we already have enough guilt in us to induce embarassment or shame for experiencing symptoms. We shouldn't have to feel like that.
Have patience. Be kind. Be thoughtful and considerate. These are basic things all humans should do. But especially toward women who have conditions like mine. We need it when we're suffering.
And with that, I'd like to personally thank every individual who has expressed patience, kindness and thoughtfulness toward me personally when I have suffered. Even if all you did was listen. I appreciate it a lot. Always.
What we need is for more women to be treated like their menstrual conditions are real. Because they are.
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